Individual reflections while working with Re-Member on Pine Ridge Reservation

Questions some of us chose to answer:

1. What preconceived notions did you have about the Lakota people and American Indians in general? Were they accurate? What changed, if anything?
2. What were your expectations before the trip? Were they met?
3. What surprised you and why?
4. How has your time here inspired you? What do you hope to do when you get home with this inspiration?
5. What have you learned so far?
6. How did you feel when interacting with Lakota people while you were here? With Re-Member?
7. What has challenged you most?
8. What questions do you still have? How will they be answered or will they be answered?
9. How is the lifestyle here different from at home? How has that impacted you?

Sara

Currently in this ninth hour of the morning, everyone is buzzing around trying to get ready for the workday ahead, our first workday of the trip. Yesterday we took a trip to Wounded Knee and the Badlands. Last year, due to our travel related fiasco, we missed this day and took the trip to Wounded Knee on the last day, instead of the first. Hearing the history of that piece of land from a direct descendent of one of the spirits whose body lies in that mass grave was extremely powerful. As I walked around the graves that surround the mass grave, I noticed the numerous tiny graves that held the little bodies of babies and children. My thoughts immediately went to my 9-month-old niece. I cannot begin to imagine the pain that would sweep across my entire family if her spirit were to leave this world. I cannot begin to imagine the pain that these families felt burying their children, or the pain that the survivors of Wounded Knee felt as they watched the massacre of their grandparents, parents, children, sisters, brothers, cousins, etc. To lose one family member is painful, but the pain of lose your entire community, which in this culture IS your family, I just cannot fathom it. I think it really shows the strength of the Lakota people to endure such immense pain.

After visiting Wounded Knee our travels took us to the Badlands. On this trip last year I thought I’d seen the most beautiful landscapes on the planet, but the Sanctuary in the Badlands surpassed any view I had previously taken in by far. We were given the opportunity to scatter in the sanctuary and find our own little place to sit and meditate/reflect with the grandfathers in the center watching over us. We were instructed that we were to be as quiet as possible. Sitting in silence, hearing nothing but the grass blowing in the wind, the flies buzzing around, the small natural spring (which I might add is the last natural spring in the Badlands) babbling past, hearing nothing but the voices of nature was so refreshing and meditative. I honestly cannot find words to adequately describe this experience.

We then returned to Re-member for some down time and dinner. The gabobo bread we had for dinner was delicious. After dinner Keith Janis (Inila Wakan) came to speak with us and lay some knowledge on us. He talked about both the history and the current situation of the Lakota people. One of the tragedies currently plaguing the Lakota people is suicide, especially teen suicide. Something Keith said that hit me in the gut was that the youngest person to commit suicide this past year was 10 years old. 10. That’s just a baby. The pain they must have been in to feel at that age that death was the only way; to see no future or hope at such a young age. After hearing this I suddenly felt panicked, like time was running out to pass on the wisdom, knowledge and traditions of the Lakota people. Although there are still people that carry this knowledge with them the small numbers are scary and if the children, the next generation are taking their own lives, then who will be able to carry these ways into the next generation?

On a happier and somewhat related note I fastforward into the future to the end of our first workday (which was a very successful work day full of teamwork and power tools). Uncle Will’s son, Jess, daughter, Kelly, and grandson, Jaden, came to share with us. They spoke about growing up on the rez and the current state of affairs for the younger Lakota people. I was really happy to hear that many of the younger generation were starting to take interest in learning their culture and language, who they are and where they came from. My hope was restored; hope that the ways of the Lakota people will not soon be lost, that the language and culture will be passed on for many more generations. So I leave you with this, my rose for the night.

Chemia

1. I expected the Lakota people to be very friendly and welcoming because of the positive experiences I’ve had with other natives.  I’m on the board for the American Indian Student Union (AISU) and we talk with local Maryland natives on a regular basis.  My expectations proved to be correct as the people I met at Wounded Knee were very friendly.
2. I expected some of the stories that I would be told would be very emotional and so far, I was correct.  There were some things that I knew already from reading books and watching documentaries, but actually hearing it firsthand from the Lakota people really hit me hard.
3. What surprised me was how impressive the landscape is.  I’m from a mostly urban area and I’m not used to standing on top of a hill and being able to see for miles and miles.  I knew from pictures I’d seen that the prairie stretched for miles and miles, but it didn’t really occur to me until I saw for myself.
4. What has inspired me is how strong the Lakota people are and continue to be despite all the adversity they face. When I return home, I hope to pass this strong sense of determination on to my friends and family so that they remember that a strong spirit can get them through the worst of times.
5. I’ve learned that I don’t need distractions like television and internet in order to have fun. I love the fact that I can sit and read a book or go outside and admire the landscape and not have to worry about deadlines and pressures from school.
6. What has challenged me most is keeping my composure when I encounter emotionally difficult situations like at Wounded Knee. I’m more emotional than I like to admit and I know I have to keep it together in order to get the most out of my time here.
7. I wonder what the educational system is like on the reservation because I know that there’s a high teacher turnover rate and that many children cannot do homework because they don’t have electricity or school supplies. As an education major, I always keep the welfare of children in the back of my mind and wonder how teachers handle a class full of children that come to school with so many issues to deal with. I know we are visiting a school this week, so I hope I get the chance to ask lots of questions.
8. The lifestyle here is a lot more easy-going, friendly and relaxed. At home, things are a lot more crazy and fast paced and I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I feel a lot more relaxed here and it feels good to not always look at the clock and worry that I’ll get everything crossed off my to-do list.

Carolina

I made the decision to come when I learned enough and was ready to see it and experience it first hand. My interests in indigenous people, representation, and worldview have allowed me to learn and understand histories of indigenous peoples of the Americas. The stories regarding the Lakota have interested me because of their strength, struggle, and survival. The injustices they have endured help set the chronology to their contemporary struggles. Their survival and revival is particularly inspiring because I see it as a core aspect in progress. Hearing about traditions and seeing reservation residents serve as an example that regardless of situations life is what you make of it. Seeing the landscape convinces me why communities will fight to stay here. The natural beauty is abundant and peaceful. I feel at ease and able to breath freely without my daily worries of suburbia. The only thing to surprise me is the vastness of the land and I am really amazed. The thing that makes me smile and feel hopeful is the holding on to sacred beliefs and language because future generations will still be able to honor their ancestors and know what it is to be Lakota.

Sandhya

1.     I did not have much of a conception of the Lakota, asides from the general knowledge that they were plains people who were associated with the Wounded Knee Massacre.

2.     My expectations were pretty accurate; I expected a rural setting that was sparsely populated with people who varied in their outlook for the future. The people were just as I imagined them, appearance wise. I was pleasantly surprised to see that their attire did embrace some of their culture though, with respect to jewelry and hair.

3.     I was less surprised about the living conditions and more surprised about the land conditions and economic structure on the reservation. I was under the impression that the system that had been set up to fail was being mended by the federal government.

4.     I keep thinking about my business classes and the kind of entrepreneurship my professors would encourage. I would like to see if the Dingman Center in the business school can set up a partnership on the reservation, maybe through micro financing.

5.     I’ve learned about the reservation system, basics about the linguistic tradition and the recent history of the Lakota.

6.     I am very eager to interact with the Lakota; I have hardly seen any remains of the native culture around the DMV so I would like to take the opportunity to do so now.

7.     I initially had a hard time understanding a system (political, economical) that was very different from the rest of the United States.

8.     I wonder why there isn’t more of a national sense of indigenous unity. I understand the tribes and nations are distinct but I feel like they can achieve large-scale change through a collective movement.

9.     The family structures are obviously different, as is the historical context people my age grow up in here.

Anisha

            I just love being in Pine Ridge.  I cannot adequately express the beauty of the duality between the blue sky and the rolling, yellow hills.  Sometimes, back home, we can barely see 100 feet in front of us.  But here there are no secrets…you can see for twenty miles in the distance.  I think the land and the laid back “Doksha” (Lakota for “whenever”) is really centering me.  Sometimes I forget that strength comes from our spirituality and that our spirituality comes from within.  What can be more important in this world and for this world than learning about who we are and listening to our inner voice?  I just love this place and I hope that I am able to return in the fall to keep learning about myself and the wisdom of the indigenous people who really, truly know this earth better than any other people.

            Today my group and another group went out to Allen to continue the construction of the storage house meant for the housing company of Pine Ridge.  We spent 4 hours digging holes into rock and hard clay only for a machine to come and dig it up in 1/16^th the time.  I had fun though.  Manual labor builds character and like Jerry, our Nebraskan, toothless, overall-wearing construction supervisor, it certainly makes you thankful for being able to have a higher education.  The air is so clean here, I just enjoy breathing. We came back, had a great meal and then were welcomed by Larry Swalle who shared with us some of Lakota history and tradition.  He talked about the Lakota creation story and the 7 rites given to the Lakota people.  He sung to us and really shared with us something that was close and personal to him.  Mostly with all the speakers that have come I just feel very honored that they find us worthy enough of sharing their stories and their culture with us.  They don’t have to do that and I don’t think that there is a way that I can adequately express my sincere gratitude.  Every day here is just humbling.  And I cannot reinforce how honored I feel to be here.  But now, my arms feel like they are going to fall off and so it is my time to wind down.  Perhaps some meditation on the hill outside?  I think so. 

Anna

Being at Pine Ridge has truly been a life changing experience for me. I did not really know what to expect of our trip, but it has been a great time. The spirituality of this place as well as that of the Lakota people has been the most inspiring part of being here. It is so easy to forget the things that are truly important in life during the day to day monotony of being in school and living in a city. Our nightly speakers have awakened some truths in me that have been lost in my life at home, especially when it comes to closeness with family and friends. I feel like those things get lost in the way our lives have been set up for us with moving away for school and the constant rush to get things done. I found the Lakota creation myth especially interesting and beautiful because it is so different from the one I was taught growing up Catholic. I love how the Lakota people live in a matriarchal society that puts its children first and treats men and women as equals. I also thought it was very interesting that the creation myth mentions other races of people which the Lakota had not had contact with at the time of its origin. It really made reflect on the nature of their spirituality and its relation to my own.

            I have also really enjoyed being able to just be in nature. I never realized how little time I spend outside back at home. It seems like I only go outside when its absolutely necessary, which is not how it should be. Today Sandhya and I were talking about how we haven’t gotten to be outside this much since we were little kids, and how good it felt to be outside and look out over the hills. I hope that I will remember this when I’m back at home and actually go hiking sometime!

            One thing that I feel has been missing some from this experience has been personal interaction with the Lakota people. I thought that I would work side by side with the people here, or at least get to talk to them. I have not had that experience at all yet, but I hope that our visit to a cluster tomorrow will change that!

Asmi

One of my previous ASB trip leaders Pam had said that this trip was life changing, so I knew that this trip was going to be special, but I still didn’t really know what to expect. I didn’t really know much about the history of the US pre-settlers as I went to high school in India. I knew that there were injustices done to the Native Americans but I didn’t know all the details much less the present day happenings.

The workdays were great and extremely satisfying. It was such a great break from school, no stress and a sense of accomplishment that resonated in the ache in my bones. We would start our day at 6 am with Lakota music, have breakfast, get ready, hear about the wisdom of the Elders and then head out in our respective groups for the day’s assigned task. I was in crew 6 with Rachel and some folks from Hope College and Denver Academy, and somehow we always got the really physically exhausting tasks like digging 3 feet holes (later to be finished by a drilling machine…just when everyone was 6 inches away from the goal) or skirting in the coldest weather ever (I had to go warm my feet every 20 minutes). But that just made us even more determined to get the work done and accomplish our goal, it also served as a great bonding tool. Yes, we all ranted … especially during our Thorns and Roses sessions, but we truly did enjoy it.

The evening speaker sessions were truly enlightening; learning about the Lakota stories such as the creation story, and other things about their religion and spirituality was very interesting. It was cool to learn that women and men were treated as equals in their religion. Doksha is an integral part of their way of life, which is something that I hope to bring back with me and make an integral part of my life as well. Some of the other things we learned was about life on the reservation, it was heartbreaking to learn about the death rate especially in teens and about the prevalence of alcoholism and drug abuse. Though it was encouraging to hear there was  amongst the younger generations the culture and age old wisdom and knowledge were coming back in full force. It gives us hope that this beautiful culture and heritage of the Native Americans is not going to be lost in time, and that hopefully the rest of the world can too learn about the incredible wisdom they have to offer.

Lauren

Listen to the rushing wind as it whispers, listen to the streaming water as it serenades you, look at the land full of life: see the purity mingled with desecration, beauty tainted by adultery as the ever present questions still loom: can we rewind time? Can we go back? We can only script the future, so what story do we want to tell? What reality do we want to create?

Desolation and desecration, poverty and ruin, chaos and disorder set against the purity of the rolling hills. The wind whispers, it tells stories of a not so distant past. You can feel the pain and despair of the living mingled with the hope of the ancestors and the promise of the creator. The creator, our creator, a universally acknowledged divine being always looking down, always watching. Watching the thousands massacred, the hundreds of thousands pushed off of their land, her land. The creator who watched as one man made a covenant only to break it; centuries of broken vows. One man spineless as the other stands tall. He stands tall for centuries waiting to be heard, waiting to be acknowledged.

The drums beat in time with my heart. It stirs up the very fabric of my soul. A spirit stirs within. The spirit of the drummer that was given to him as a sacred gift from our deity is aroused. The soul of the white buffalo calf woman is in tune with Waingi, our mother, whose shrine rests in our compound. I am awakened within.

So much culture is lost and yet to be restored, so much wrong done and not yet righted. We have to do better than this since we only have one life that we have been given. The kindness that we show and the labor that we do makes us different; it makes all of us human.

Jenna

            Today was a restful day for the body, but a heavy day for the heart. Yesterday was our last work day, where we finished skirting the trailer, and it was amazing to see a finished project.  I felt so proud that we were able to make a difference for a family, and that one less home was cold in this harsh weather.  But although there was no physical work today, we traveled across the reservation, and I realized just how much work needs to be done.

            We traveled into the neighborhoods of condemned houses that people choose to take shelter in, in order to avoid the harsh winds.  We drove into Nebraska, where alcohol is legal. Where the sick feed their disease. Where the fathers and mothers of families spend their days and night ruining their children’s lives.  We drove through the areas where gang violence is prevalent. Where kids lose their innocence. Where bullets fly, and children die.

            I looked out my window to see a third world city in my own nation.  The people of my heritage, the natives of this land are forced to live in poverty.  Houses crumbling in trash riddled neighborhoods. Broken down cars where children play above them.  A barb wired fence lining the grounds of the high school and elementary school, where asbestos lines the walls.

            This place defines poverty and hopelessness.  I realize how much work needs to be done, and how few people are helping.  I was unaware of the desolation of pine ridge, and I know this ignorance exists across the nation—across the world.

            Although I traveled through the hills and across the dirt roads, the saddest moment of my day was talking to Darrel Red Cloud.  When we were at the trading post, we were talking about our different heritages and what it is like to live on the reservation and he said that we come here to help and see these conditions and label them as poverty. But this is all the Lakota people know.  This is normal.  What they wake up to every morning, and go to sleep to late at night.  This is their home.  They do not have the American dream because they do not have the ability to dream.  He said that their dream was taken away from them.

            I know that change can always happen, for I believe that anything is possible.  I know that the Lakota people have not lost hope for prosperity and I know that these people deserve a better life. They deserve to dream. They deserve to live a life filled with love and hope and happiness—where there is no room for hate or despair or pain.

Sneha

            Today was hardest working days at the res.  We had to dig three-foot holes into some pretty hard gravel.  Although, today was physically taxing, Jerry let me drive one of the vans today, and the drive back to re-member was amazing!  Driving down the road with wide open plains on either side of the road and the bright blue sky up ahead was such an beautiful site.  It felt as though I driving into the sky.           

Rachel

How can we go back to a time when the Lakota migrated freely, following the buffalo, with their own culture, identity, and nation not yet touched by the looming destruction and desolation that would come from a clash of civilizations? A time when wealth and prosperity was not defined by money or title but rather by spirituality, relationships, and community…when people could still live a simple life in harmony with others and with nature and recognized the beauty and wisdom in that way of life. A time before the “success” of the White Man and the expansion of America.

The truth is, we can’t go back. Too much has been done, and for every act of oppression and brutality, from the Massacre at Wounded Knee to the reservation system to the stolen dreams of the Lakota people, there have been painful effects on both American Indians and Americans. The Lakota are trapped on reservations, imprisoned into isolation, poverty, and a history of struggle, pain, and massacres. And yet, they are such strong people. They are still here, despite the terrible conditions in which they have been forced to live. And their language and culture, though almost crushed, is coming back even stronger. Yet Americans struggle so much today, not from poverty or physical isolation, but from a lack of spirituality, despite an increase in religiosity, from a lack of humanity, which has been replaced by money, fame, and competition, and from a lack of balance, which we are now beginning to realize is destroying our environment, our health, our communities, and even our identities, which are now defined by what we put on our resumes. Has America truly “won”?

The first time I came to Pine Ridge, I could not see past the pain of the poverty, the violence, and the desperation here. However, beneath this gloomy shadow is a ripe culture that most Americans have yet to even attempt to understand. We have tried to eradicate it… “Kill the Indian and save the man” was our way of dealing with the “Indian issue.” But America has not yet destroyed every bit of culture, identity, and hope. There is dissonance, yes, struggle, and pain on Pine Ridge, but Lakota culture is breaking through the hardships of life on the Rez and is giving people more hope for a better future.

Perhaps it is only through conflict that we can understand that everything and everyone in this world is connected. We must learn to think about how every action affects other people and our environment, and not just what will happen tomorrow, but how our actions may affect the next seven generations. Perhaps it is only though the dissonance and building tension that we can start to listen, learn, and adjust so realize and begin to appreciate harmony. The question is, how? We have to listen first to learn where we need to adjust to be in tune and in balance with the Lakota and with this entire orchestra of humanity. Only then can we really begin to change for the better.

Connie

Listening to drums

And wisdom of the elders

May we cause less harm.